An introvert's guide

So do you want the good news or the bad news? The bad news is you'll need to actively try with your flatmates if you want to form a strong relationship with them... The good news though, is you don’t have to force yourself into uncomfortable situations to break the ice. Here are some introvert-friendly ways to ease into getting to know your flatmates.

1. Start with small gestures

You don’t need to dive straight into long conversations to break the ice. Sometimes, small gestures can go a long way in creating a friendly atmosphere. Offering a cup of tea or sharing some snacks in the communal kitchen is a casual and simple way to start interacting with your flatmates. It’s an easy way to show you’re open to getting to know them without putting pressure on yourself.

• Tip: Try offering something you’ve brought from home, like biscuits or sweets. It can serve as a conversation starter about where you’re from or what you enjoy.

2. Join them in the communal spaces

As an introvert, it’s tempting to retreat to your room, especially after a long day of having to socialise at uni. However, spending time in the communal areas, even if you're just watching some TV or eating a snack, shows that you’re approachable. You don’t always have to talk, but being physically present gives you more chances for spontaneous interactions with your flatmates.

• Tip: If your flatmates are watching TV or playing a game, feel free to join them, even if you don’t participate in every conversation. Just being there can help you feel more connected.

3. Ask simple questions

If you do count yourself as an introvert, then you're probably also a good listener - which is a great quality to have for breaking the ice. Asking open-ended, but easy questions can start a conversation and take the pressure off you to keep it going. Questions about their course, where they’re from, or what they’re planning for the weekend are all low-stress ways to begin chatting.

• Tip: Asking for advice or opinions can also be a helpful conversation starter. For example, “I’m thinking of exploring the city – do you have any recommendations?” gives your flatmate a chance to share their interests.

4. Find common interests

Pay attention to the things your flatmates talk about or the items they have in the communal areas. If you spot a shared interest – like a favourite TV show, band, or hobby – it gives you an easy way to connect. You'll thrive in one-on-one or small group conversations, so finding a common topic can help build a more meaningful connection.

• Tip: You can subtly join conversations if your flatmates are discussing something you like. For example, “I heard you talking about that series – I love it, who's your favourite character?”

5. Suggest low-key activities

You might not always enjoy big group outings (which is completely fine), but that doesn’t mean you can’t suggest more low-key activities. Inviting a couple of flatmates to watch a film, cook dinner together, or take a walk around campus can be a great way to bond without feeling overwhelmed by large crowds.

• Tip: You can start small by joining activities that are already happening. If your flatmates are planning to watch a film, casually ask if you can join. Over time, you’ll feel more comfortable suggesting your own plans.

6. Be open about your introversion

There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert, and it’s okay to let your flatmates know that you’re more of a quiet person. Often, people are understanding and appreciate knowing that while you might not always be the life of the party, you’re still interested in being friendly and part of the group.

• Tip: You can say something like, “I’m not super chatty, but I’m always happy to hang out when I’m around.” This sets expectations while showing that you’re open to being part of the flat.

7. Take breaks when needed

Being social can be draining. That's why it’s important to recognise when you need a break and take some time for yourself to recharge. You don’t have to say yes to every social invitation, and it’s perfectly fine to retreat to your room when you need some quiet time.

• Tip: Balance is key. If you need some alone time, take it without feeling guilty. Just make sure to reappear in communal spaces from time to time to maintain your connections.

8. Use group chats to your advantage

Many uni flats set up group chats to keep everyone in the loop. This can be a great way for introverts to engage with their flatmates without feeling the pressure of face-to-face conversations. You can join in on planning group activities, ask quick questions, or even share funny memes to lighten the mood.

• Tip: If you’re feeling unsure about something, like house rules or shared responsibilities, a group chat can be a less intimidating way to ask questions and participate.

Remember, everyone in your flat is likely looking to make new friends and feel comfortable in their new environment, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Take your time, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the process of getting to know your flatmates at your own pace.